Tuesday, January 8, 2013

My daughter grieving for my daughter

This evening around 9:30, I was passing through the hallway upstairs and heard Isabel crying very quietly in her room. Her door was open, but she was crying so quietly that I could barely hear her. I stopped in her doorway as my eyes adjusted to the darkness and focused on her small frame in the bed across the room.  She was lying very still on her back, with small sobs escaping her every few seconds. Isabel is a spirited and dramatic young girl, and usually when she cries, it is pretty loud and attention-getting in a way. But tonight, it was as if she didn't even realize anyone could hear her, and was trying to stay as quiet as possible.

So, of course, I padded quietly into her bedroom, knelt by her bed, and placed my hands on her gently. Her eyes were closed, so I was not certain at first if she was even awake. But after a few seconds passed, she opened her eyes partway. She had not yet uttered a word to me, and was still crying. I whispered, "What's wrong, sweetie?" To which she replied, in the sweetest little girl voice, "I miss baby Abbie," and continued to cry quietly.  I had no words, and leaned down and gathered her into an embrace, wishing I could take her pain away, wishing I could give her the sister she so desperately wants to have back. We had a quiet conversation after that, and a short while later I tucked her back into bed and wished her sweet dreams and a peaceful night's sleep.

Oh my. Talk about melting my heart and breaking my heart in two, all at the same time. I am watching my oldest child grieve for my youngest child. I want to take away Isabel's sadness, and it is just one more reason, among so many, that I wish more than anything that I could bring Abbie back to this world. But I can't, and so for now, I will dry my child's tears and hug her tightly every chance that I get. But even while I dry her tears and hold her close, I look forward to the day when I will watch my daughters embrace one another, on streets of gold, and there will be no more tears of sadness in any of our eyes, and no quiet sobs escaping any of our lips.


  1. So moved by this, what an awesome illustration of the love you have for your children on Heaven and Earth. Love how Isabel is coping and grieving so openly and honestly, you are such a good mom!!!

  2. I am so sorry for your family. Much love to you all.