Something Happened

I am still having a hard time putting my own words to paper (or screen) about what happened and all the emotions I am experiencing, that run about the widest gamut that I could possibly imagine. There are times I feel completely numb and in shock, times I feel almost normal, just carrying out the responsibilities of everyday life, and times when I cannot prevent the tears from flowing, to the point where I worry I may never stop crying once I start. So, for now, I will copy the words of the children's book that was gifted to us by the wonderful Child Life Specialist in the hospital, that we have read several times to our children. I am so thankful it is helping our kids (especially Isabel) to deal with the events of the past week as well.

This book is not written from a Christian perspective, so there is some truth missing from it, as far as us all being able to see Abbie again in heaven someday. We cling to, and believe on, that truth with our whole hearts and every fiber of our beings. But despite the lack of an eternal perspective in the book, I still think it helps Isabel to deal with the truth that Abbie is not coming to live in our house with us as we had planned, as the reality of that will sink in over the next days and weeks. This is the part of the news that made Isabel the saddest when she came up to the hospital, the realization that her baby sister would not be coming home with us. We will all have to come to terms with it anew, on every milestone and significant date we reach (Christmas, Abbie's due date, what would be her first birthday, etc.)

I will take liberty to change the words slightly, to make it personal for our children. The story comes from the voice of Isabel, so imagine that as you read it.

Something Happened, by Cathy Blanford

On the day it happened, everyone woke up happy.
We were all happy about the new baby who was coming to be in our family.
Mommy was happy because she really loved me and Josiah,
      and now she was going to have a new baby, too.
Daddy was happy because two kids were great, and three would be even better!
I was happy because I knew that Mommy and Daddy loved me.
I loved them and Josiah and my dog, Ginger, but...
I had always wanted another baby sister or brother.
But that night, something really bad happened.
Instead of going to the hospital to say hello...we had to go to the hospital to say goodbye.
Mommy and Daddy told me our baby had died...but I didn't even know about that.
Our baby died...because something happened.
Nobody knows for sure why it happened.
I was scared that it was my fault, but Mommy and Daddy said it wasn't anybody's fault.
Sometimes bad things just happen.
I wish I could make our baby come back, but our baby is dead.
Our baby can't come back, no matter how hard we wish.
For a long time, everyone at our house felt sad.
Sometimes I had a tummy ache and just felt like crying.
Sometimes I felt really mad and I didn't even want to play.
And then, something else happened.
We planted a tree and flowers in our backyard for our baby.
Now we have a special place to go and remember.
Everyone says that maybe someday we'll have another baby.
Right now, Mommy, Daddy, Josiah, Ginger, and I are still a family.
I love playing with Josiah. I love playing with Ginger. I love playing with Mommy and Daddy.
When I wasn't always sure, Mommy and Daddy helped me know our love goes on and on.